more on the struggle

I have decided that Tuesdays will be the Blog updating day. However, due to the fact that I am going to be out until Noon tomorrow, I decided I would do the Blog today.

First, I want to a special Hi to Jerry. He never posts, but he says I always enjoy the ‘Soap Opera of Mel’s Life’. So Hi to you Jerry.

Ok…this weekend was pretty good. It was busy, got to meet a lot of new people. Which is always a nice thing.

I think today I will talk about how my struggle with trusting God. It is funny, because I know for a fact that God has me in His hands and that He is guiding my life. Though, it is the same thing…there are times when I get so frustrated and look at situations and think, ‘How in the world is this what God wants for me?’ God is gracious and gentely reminds me of things He has shown me. My favorite thing was, ‘How many more things do I have to show you in order for you to trust me?’

That is huge! When things look bleak, I think there is NO way that this could be what God is really wanting me to do. I am reminded of Sarah and Abraham. It is amazing how one Bible story has really impacted me. I pray, “Ok, God, I trust You. I will just wait.” ACK…Whomever said patience is a virtue, wasn’t kidding. Honestly, I will tell you…I HATE IT. Not my idea of an easy life.

I was talking to a friend the other day about a situation where, if I had my way I would pick the easy route and just not deal with it. I am actually pretty good at the whole denial and suppression thing. Amazingly enough, I have done it most of my life.

However, this might sound silly...I am not allowed to. God won’t let me take the easy way out. Sooo, of course I get mad and frustrated, cry a little. Though, at the same time, I step back and I say ‘Ok, God, it isn’t in my hands anymore.” AS if it really ever was. (Deborah said that-he he).

I know that a lot of this might be similar to previous Blogs, however it is a HUGE issue that God is working on in my life. Breaking down my will, showing me my sin and having His be the one I live by. I have said this before. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

Ok kids…see you next Tuesday.

little bit of this, a little bit of that.

It is Tuesday and I didn’t really have time this morning to blog..so I will take a few moments and do that now. As I enjoy my south beach bar. YUM.

Nothing huge or deeply profound this week.

This weekend we had a convention. What type you may ask…it was a fantasy/sci fi convention. It was so much fun. I have to tell you. Very interesting people though. I haven’t been asked out that much in well ever! It is nice being the ‘con queen’ they should actually have that as a title…vote for Melody for MileHigh Con Queen.

Ok, ok, I know silly, just thought everyone could use a good laugh. So last week…it was last Friday in fact. I got up pretty early to go work out. I knew I would be up late that nite and not able to for the rest of the weekend. I get to the club house and run about 10 mins…go over to do my lower routine…and weights 15-25 lbs. are GONE!!

I was quite put out. I called the HOA and they basically say to me that they are not going to replace them. Which is just so wrong. Thankfully, my friend Beth had some 15 lbs she loaned to me so I can get by with those and the remaining 5 & 10 lbs. Just really made me angry.

Things people steal.

One good thing…I went shopping on Sunday and managed to pick up a new pair of jeans. They are a size smaller thank you very much. My co-workers say, it is nice to see you in clothes that aren’t falling off of you. he he he

Ok hope you all are well…

my will verses God's will

It is Tuesday morning. On Tuesdays I am stuck in the chapel here at work, running the sound and video system. I can’t really do any work back here, so I either shop on eBay or post to the Star Wars board…actually both.

So, today’s blog is about my will verses God’s will. I think that we both know who is going to win. However, getting to the end result is a struggle. I think God is really teaching me what it means to have my heart be His heart and my will to be His will. Ok, I didn’t want it to be HARD for that to happen. I just thought it was be this gradual change of heart. Not so much.

It has been a hard struggle. As some of you know I tend to be on the emotional side. Shocking! I tend to react out of that. There was a situation that I had been praying about and I asked God for His guidance. I had ‘come to a conclusion’. So, I had this plan ready to execute and was all set to go. I said to a friend of mine. Unless, something changes between now and this time I am going to do this. Can I say…be careful what you pray for?

Yesterday morning I was driving to work and I really felt the Spirit saying…Hey Sarah, I don’t need your help, so don’t do anything.

Do you know what that is like to sit back and do NOTHING? It is tearing me apart. Yesterday, I was driving home and I was like this would be easier if I were to do this and this, this makes NO sense. The verse in Psalm 46 ,"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Dang it. I don’t want to ‘be still’. Blah!

Basically, God is really stretching me and it hurts, it is hard, it is a growing pains of sort. My friend Deborah said. “...I HATE seeing my sin clearly (even if its just a tiny piece of it).” Isn’t that the truth?

I am so grateful that God loves me enough to care and that He IS answering my prayers that my will become His will and that my heart would become His heart. It is encouraging to actually see the Lord working in my life.

old things made new-health update

Blogs, blogs everywhere. It seems that everyone is blogging.

I have been a slacker and haven’t blogged since last Monday.

Today’s Blog is brought to you by the letter G and the number 8.

Actually, today’s is going to be an update on the exercise and diet. WELL, so far it is going very well. IN fact, I started running about a month ago. I KNOW shocking, but true. My goal is to run in either the Bolder Boulder or in the Stampede 5K in Greeley. Hopefully, I’ll be ready for both.

I am not loosing pounds per say, but I am loosing inches. In fact, I am wearing a blouse that I haven’t worn in about a year and a half and then I wasn’t too comfortable in it then. So, THIS is good news!

If you are a ‘regular’ reader, you know when I first started this rountine, that I could barely walk due to the squats. Which I did a max of 5 lbs my first time. Well, as of now I am now squatting 60 lbs!!!

It is a slow, but steady process. I do have a set ‘weight’ goal. However, I need to keep in mind the muscle gain and take that into consideration. Of course I want to be in shape NOW. But I have to realize where I was coming from. I have never ‘really’ exercised. I mean I would ‘play’ sports, but nothing too regular. This is a huge change for me. I just need to remember ONE step at a time.

As far as the diet….South Beach is so much better for you than Atkins. I can have whole grains and that mean BREAD!!! Of course we all love bread. I also have cut out what some of you know has given me life for many years. Yes, I have cut out the caffeine. This is a good thing.

So, I think that is all. Thanks for your encouragement and for those of you I keep asking a 100 questions too. Every little bit helps.

a sexual revolution

So I went to church yesterday. Jen and I look at the sermon title. A Sexual Revolution. She is like OH boy, this is going to be SO much fun. I was like great. Just what I need to hear, a sermon on sex and marriage. Blah blah blah blah.

Well, I have to say, it was probably one of the best sermons on the subject that I have ever heard. It really spoke some truths into life. Not just for married people, but for people as a whole. I was hoping the link for the sermon would be up, but I am not sure if they recorded it or not. So, I will try to sum up.

The New Testament reading was I Corinthians 6:12-20. Shane talked about the different views of things…the Epicurean view of “Eat, drink & be merry for tomorrow you die.” And the Asceticism view, “Sex is dirty & should be only for procreation."

Well…I never held to either of those beliefs. I think that for myself it is a question of what is one really looking for in a sexual relationship outside of marriage? Most of you know me so I am not going to go into my life long history here. This just struck a chord.

Here is a question. What does sex point to? Well, this is the BEST explanation I have EVER heard. “Sex points to or mirrors the union we long for with God.” Let me explain. It is a complete surrendering of oneself to someone. A level of trust and acceptance. We all long for someone to love us unconditionally. The act itself says “I’m giving my total being to you.” IF you are with someone outside of a relationship, meaning marriage. This is what you are saying, “I want your body, but I don’t want to take care of you emotionally, or you can have my body, but you can’t have my money.” One is attempting to divide the self and anguish, pain & confusion are often the result. Now, this isn’t just with sex, but with romance…the whole, being pursued and courted. Think about it. We ALL long for that.

So, Shane gave hints or points. How do we avoid it? ha ha ha Now THAT sounds funny.
First, we need to realize that it is a ‘god-substitute. Like said above, there is nothing on earth that so closely mirrors the union we long for with God.

So, you have to ask yourself. WHAT I am really looking for? So, I hate to admit Jen & I were passing notes throughout the sermon. I was like…oh good question. What am I looking for? Acceptance, love, caring, understanding…self-worth. Wait a second. Those are not things that another person can give me.

Yeah yeah, we SAY that we KNOW that, but do we really know that? Honestly, bottomline is this. The only ‘one’ that can fulfill your desires for acceptance, self-worth, blah blah, IS Christ. Ok, so I know that…question is HOW do I live that? (STILL trying to figure that one out.) Shane did mention building healthy relationship. Being in groups and really finding out who people are. (mind you I am TOTALLY paraphrasing that) But I think that is a great idea. I know, sorry Blayne & Deborah I am going to use you here. Ok, two of my dearest friends. Well, they didn’t actually ‘date’ as we think about it. They got to know each other by “hanging out” with friends. I have always felt that was one of the wisest things I have ever heard. I hate dating, I hate it with a passion.

In fact, last time I went out “for a serious date”, I debated for like a week if I really wanted to do it and then I made sure that we went over to a friends house for most of the evening. I think it gives one a chance to see who a person ‘really’ is. Ok, I digress.

Second point was, well, honestly, if you do live your life as a Christian. We don’t “own” ourselves. We have been bought and well there ya go. I think that is pretty straight-forward.

I like this quote as well. “You can always attempt to deny the anguish and guilt by telling yourself, ‘Sex is normal.’ God doesn’t say, “No or wait,” because it is bad, but because it is so powerful and good..

In the verses from yesterday, my favorite was…”Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial.” Wow. Yeah it is true, I can do just about anything I want. I can eat that donut or I can enjoy my South Beach bar. Really, which one is better for me?

SO, what am I trying to say with all of this? *whew* I feel like Shane now…going on and on. he he he

I have been praying for sometime that God would make His heart my heart, etc, etc…I think that the timing for this was of course His. He has been really speaking to me over the past week and I need to remember. He is the one in control and not me. Yeah, that is always easier said than done.

Now, I am not trying to say, Oh you don't believe this than, blah blah blah. It is more of me saying, Wow, this reallllly makes sense to me and I just wanted to share.

I am curious what you all think.