holiday funk

I am blogging today whether it kills me or not.

Ya know I am in mixed spirits…I think that this time of the year is wonderful…I love the lights and the decorations and Christmas songs. :) on the flip side I hate it. I hate the stupid commercials that put so much emphasis on being with your family or being with that special loved one. I am so over it.

I would put my mood at melancholy at best. It isn’t that I am looking for a pity party or anything of the sort. I am just tired. I do my best to keep my spirit up. Looking at the ‘real’ reason for Christmas and being thankful for what I do have. This year has been a hard an intense year. Loosing my friends, who I thought were good Christians, because I wasn’t ‘good’ enough…then going thru some intense drama late this summer, that I would never want to go thru again and thru it all having a horrible job….And just realizing that for the first time in my life I am really a selfish being and want to actually change that and be a better and more loving person.

That being said…I have been doing a lot of growing and a lot of looking on the inside and why I do what I do…and how things are...it isn’t going to change over night…but it is changing.

Along with those changes, I need to be healthier…I pretty much stopped drinking and I am tired of not exercising and whining about it. I need to just do it…I am the only one that can change that and do it.

So I guess in a way I am making positive steps….i just can’t seem to get past the whole ‘holiday’ funk. I have been spending a lot of time alone and at times I think that is good, but then I am not so sure.

Soooo anywho…I do not really have a point other than this is where I am right now. I am very grateful for what I do have…I do see that…and for that I am thankful.